{And now, for my next trick--} {01 Sep 2009|05:21pm}
{ mood | busy }

I'm moving to Los Angeles. Due to family stuff, partly, though I'll be moving in with friends. Who's in the area?

Away, on a kahuna of ninja glitter.

18 lifetimes and still counting.

{choo choo.} {28 Nov 2007|11:49pm}
{ mood | busy }

looking @ my transcript and degree sheets i realize that i have the grades of a smart person who doesn't care if she looks like a screwed up dumbfuck. clearly this is misleading; i am feeling distinct strains of embarrassment. also something resembling stupidity, though not specifically the IQ kind.

working on my senior honors thesis outline, catching up on various readings for exams, and writing 2 final papers. my internship completely bombed this semester, and though my teacher won't penalize me for it bc it was pretty much the massachusetts mental health center HR people dangling a carrot for 4 months, it feels asstacular.

don't get me wrong: I think everything is going to be fine as long as I can show these writing assignments the creativity that they deserve.

I had a good time in nyc for thanksgiving with potatocouch. Also met up with icebluesilver (though half expecting that i'll see the username struckthrough now, it's been so long since we eJournalled at each other) whose new beau reminds me of ... ... remus lupin, down to the car-crash clever friends, and introduced her to kanna and ahvia who continue to joke and draw and ditch me with my little sister to watch movies.

though we all did watch Enchanted in the end. It was cute enough to give you insulin shock.

anyway i have to go rip off wu cheng'en/arthur waley now. cu.
8 lifetimes and still counting.

{:V} {08 Oct 2007|08:26am}
{ mood | tired }

it's like coming back to your elementary school and getting a sense of claustraphobia bc the hallways look smaller but also a bit of vertigo bc they parallax faster. except, you know, in livejournal it's just bc they fitted the textbox width smaller.

i'm starting an internship with a partner/subsidiary mental health center of Harvard Medical soon. it's an hour's commute, which is a pain in the ass, but it should be a nice bullet on my resume. a silver bullet! to destroy the unemployment monster once i get my ass out of here. it's my senior year at college. that's faintly frightening to think about.

i have a senior honors thesis coming up, too. i think i'm going to steal the the monkey king and 'rewrite' it in the american comic book genre. redemption, religious fusion and enlightenment-as-a-construct should still feature prominently. i don't know. i don't want think about that too much either, which makes me think i might of bitten off more'n i can chew, which makes me ruminate over the fact that i can still spit it out. til november 22. to write or not to write?

never the question! i'm still gaming and thinking too much about gaming however, of course. i think im becoming more and more of a jerk the longer i piss around on the internet. that is, less willing to screen human foibles from my consciousness, and more willing to give a shit, whether kindly or angrily. when people want sympathy and attention because they feel pathetic and their efforts have gone unappreciated, i don't object; it's the posturing that offends me. the implicit 'should's, the sense people owe them for efforts they neither asked for nor had use for and their work is worthless in and of itself, and the passive-aggressive insistence that it's somebody else's fault so why aren't you trying to make me feel better. it's also beginning to irritate me too much when very nice, altruistic people martyr themselves to protect and take responsibility for people who are perfectly capable of standing up for themselves. then again, it also pisses me off when people who dont know i disagree with their unfair critics tell me to stop defending people from their criticism, so im sure theres no small garnishing of hypocrisy to these complaints. i think i'm becoming an unsympathetic and uncompromising yet cowardly asshole.

and a clinical psychologist, too! ...i was going to say that was ironic, but i guess it isn't necessarily. and here i become self-referential to the point of... not having a point.

uhhh. as an explanation: i crashed at 12AM after drinking and watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit for a suitemate's postmodernism class, then rose at 5AM to find an unfinished cider bottle and climbed in front of the PC to finish it. good to be a college nerd. now i wish i didn't have an exam coming up on wednesday and a vacation flight to figure out, in addition to the above garbage. i am perpetually wondering how i'm going to keep up with real life once i'm out of here. i'm too sloooow and i still miss my turns.

this song is liquid awesome. You ought listen to it: Ne Yo's "Because Of You, introduced to me by eaterofcrayons.

also this one: Marty Casey and the Lovehammers' "Trees" -- It'll be you and me / up in the trees / and the forest will give us the answers.

and no offense to johns hopkins university, but they totally owe me $300. hhhlife. later.

man this is still my favorite photomanipulation ever. oh my sad horseshit pixels/composition/internet frivolities.
13 lifetimes and still counting.

{by the artist forever known as MY DAD.} {06 Mar 2007|05:31pm}
{ mood | jubilant }

frankly, i think these are just incredible. my dad was born in the year of the pig, which supposedly means bad luck until next february, but it sure didn't hurt his photography.

+3Collapse )

Opinions sought: which one should I turn into a b-chan icon?
14 lifetimes and still counting.

{hhhhgod.} {02 Mar 2007|06:27am}
{ mood | exhausted }

re: clubbing -- i think im getting too old for this shit. and i think skeezy guys grind up behind you even when you're spacing out stock-still bc they think you're high and hope to leverage that.

re: first exam for 'seminar in clinical psychology' -- fucking monstrous! apparently the teacher designs his tests with a 15% curve (1.5 letter grades) in mind bc otherwise his grade average would be way too low. that felt awful, i'm so glad it's over.

re: 'architecture of the imagination' english lit class -- there is this beautiful blond boy who ignores me completely. i think i am in love.

re: spring break -- my mom's set my calendar so i see my grandparents after summer vacation instead, so i have nowhere to go and only 2 weeks to plan. my housemate has invited me to argentina. all i remember from argentina is from the books about horses from my childhood. cowboys who had bowie knives as their only dining equipment. dust. whole lot of sky. cigarettes. not exactly my scene, but that wasn't buenos aires (sp?) so i'm considering...

when i blank out i like to think about all the answers i've gotten, in the past, to that one question: what's it like to be in love? sometimes, it feels like everyone in my social circle has an answer that smacks of certainty except for me.

1280 x 800

my favorite bad retort in months: 'fuck you and the high horse you rode in on.'

&another i like:

undistort/resize here
5 lifetimes and still counting.

{deep and important brain things.} {15 Feb 2007|08:24pm}
{ mood | nerdy }

< that is from the chinese new year 'festival' that the asian student association held last week, quite possibly the best cny event i've ever attended: one of the boys doing the shaolin martial arts demonstration accidentally kicked 2 holes through the cafeteria wall. the announcers were flabbergasted, and the boys themselves -- up in their tight white wife-beaters and gelled hair, the very essence of canto-pop hipster butch -- looked so sheepish it was adorable. of course my housemates thought i was being insane, so easily amused, and then they thought i was being inane when i went over to the wall and tore out the biggest pieces of plaster out of the holes to keep. afterward, i got the traditional chinese characters 龍龍 drawn on my shoulder, which translates literally to 'dragon dragon' but actually describes a dragon in flight. according to my roommate, anyway. of course she might just be motioning to the world about my redundancy in her life, but it's okay: it was free, superficial, and washed off when wet, so it's her case in point.

lately my sleep patterns have been obscene bc of insomnia, but my writing groove is coming back -- thank god; i think it's s.a.d. levelling out and ameliorating, seeing as how almost exactly this time last year was when i dove back into the rp circuit, applying for st. john allerdyce @ SWEET X HIGH who is still my favorite. oh, john. every power punk song in the world will be about you and nothing in your life shall ever be beautiful.

despite the above theory regarding mood disorder, however, i have been picking quite a few bones w/ the world lately. i guess this isn't too surprising a thing for me; i differentiate starkly between being pissed off over principle and the malaise from seasons. i can be pissed off but generally happy without getting depressed, but i didnt used to get pissed off this much. as such, i can only suspect that i'm changing as a person and quite possibly also getting to know other people better. it makes me wonder if i am cut out to become a psychotherapist; some part of me is no longer content with allowing people to find relative happiness if it's by delusion or rote, 'muddling along' in masturbatory comforts without resolution. if i'm going to help someone i want to take actions of consequence based on clarity of thought, and it drives me crazy when people don't see, when others become the victims of one's victimization, insecurities crawl like maggots from every orifice, pride staaaaalls and staaaaaaaaaalls and -- arguably the worst part -- one's experiences become so singular and self-centered that the only way some can intimately connect with different people is by requiring their sympathy instead of mutual empathy. fucking a. i hate it when empowerment becomes about stupid power-play instead of justice and equality.

i think that's why some feminist discussions drive me crazy, too. completely lose the point. for instance, take today's 'cultural perspectives in china: heroes' class -- everyone was losing their shit over how the female protagonists were never realistic. they came off as extensions of Confucius' finger wagging from down the dynasties, yes, but for God's sake -- we'd spent the past 7 classes lamenting how unheroic their male counterparts were, too. muscleheaded martial heroes whose missions flopped, the one 'success' won off the edge of a knife that slit the throats of ten innocent people, whiny princes who don't do their own fighting, skinny scholars who were led by the nose by two-dimensional female characters, emperors chased in circles around their throne until their physician hits the bad guy with his medicine bag. they're all human and the storytellers (or translators) may have been somewhat lacking. there is sickening bigotry and exploitation rife in chinese history by anyone's standards, and i don't mind discussing that -- as long as we're actually discussing that.

i need some sort of senior thesis for my english major. i am thinking about writing a story where a woman is an asshole even by 'male' standards and the men are as worthless as women complain culture paints them and both genders suffer the trials of rape and redemption, the words 'construct,' 'eidolon' and 'conformity' get used exactly 44 times each, and the final boss has silicone injections in his gonads, an ironic sense of humor about it, a counting house and a vegetarian cat. and the gross natural product is the charges on your MOM.

we got a blizzard the other day and my one wednesday class got cancelled. surprisingly, the constant threat of slipping and concussing yourself on iced streets distracts from singles awareness day.

i also have new icons and web-design in-progress.



, colorcasts here -- clients have chosen blue and black.

D: god the inconsistent grain makes me hurt

the icon used on this livejournal entry features chad michael murray from the latest episode of one tree hill, where he shows up done in goth for all of 4 seconds. what a sad and beautiful woman. my other one is of adam lazzara, right here, with words poached from some highly articulate intellectual who hangs out at kanna. i wish his nose ring showed up better. he is a pretty funny boy.
5 lifetimes and still counting.

{suppose--} {05 Feb 2007|12:00am}
{ mood | tired }

1280 x 800

Life is an old man carrying flowers on his head.

young death sits in a cafe
smiling, a piece of money held between
his thumb and first finger

(i say "will he buy flowers" to you
and "Death is young
life wears velour trousers
life totters, life has a beard" i

say to you who are silent. - "Do you see
Life? he is there and here,
or that, or this
or nothing or an old man 3 thirds
asleep, on his head
flowers, always crying
to nobody something about les
roses les bluets
will He buy?
Les belles bottes - oh hear
, pas cheres")

and my love slowly answered I think so. But
I think I see someone else

there is a lady, whose name is Afterwards
she is sitting beside young death, is slender;
likes flowers.

-- e e cummings

the photo representation of booker is David Belle, the co-inventor of parkour and actor from the crazy french action film Banlieue 13 which was made by some of the same guys who did Ong Bak. The girl's Anne Hathaway.

i need to defribillate my writing muse.
2 lifetimes and still counting.

{some words & graphics shit from school, school, school.} {01 Feb 2007|03:25am}
{ mood | tired }

The Envoy of Mr. Cogito
(Trans: The Last of Mr. I Think)

Go where those others went to the dark boundary
for the golden fleece of nothingness your last prize

go upright among those who are on their knees
among those with their backs turned and those toppled in the dust

you were saved not in order to live
you have little time you must give testimony

be courageous when the mind deceives you be courageous
in the final account only this is important

and let your helpless Anger be like the sea
whenever your hear the voice of the insulted and beaten

let your sister Scorn not leave you
for the informers executioners cowards - they will win
they will go to your funeral with relief will throw a lump of earth
the woodborer will write your smoothed-over biography

and do not forgive truly it is not in your power
to forgive in the name of those betrayed at dawn

... and they will reward you with what they have at hand / with the whip of laughter with murder on a garbage heapCollapse )

-- Zbigniew Herbert

* margin note/teacher quote: "Your skull will be among theirs: a true prize. What a prize."

Building Dwelling Thinking

Gathering or assembly, by an ancient word of our language, is called "thing." The bridge is a thing--and, indeed, it is such as the gathering of the fourfold which we have described. To be sure, people think of the bridge as primarily and really merely a bridge; after that, and occasionally, it might possibly express much else besides; and as such an expression it would become a symbol, for instance a symbol of those things we mentioned before. But the bridge, if it is a true bridge, is never first of all a mere bride and then afterward a symbol. And just as little is the bridge in the first place exclusively a symbol, in the sense that it expresses something that strictly speaking does not belong to it. If we take the bridge strictly as such, it never appears as an expression. The bridge is a thing and only that. Only? As this thing it gathers the fourfold [earth, sky, humanness, and divinity].

Our thinking has of course long been accustomed to understate the essence of the thing. The consequence, in the course of Western thought, has been that thing is represented as an unknown X to which perceptible properties are attached. From this point of view, everything that already belongs to the gathering essence of this thing does, of course, appear as something that is afterward read into it. Yet the bridge would never be a mere bridge if it were not a thing.

-- Martin Heidegger

The New Yorker: Rewriting Nature

... A new book, "Darwin Loves You: Natural Selection and the Re-Enchantment of the World," by George Levine, a professor emeritus of English at Rutgers University, tries to vindicate Darwin for students of literature by emphasizing his modest "sense of wonder," the almost mystical awe at the sheer existence of life in the universe; Darwin disenchanted believers in Heaven, but he reënchanted lovers of Earth. Levine’s book is one of the most appealing and subtle attempts to bridge biology and the humanities. It proposes an "enchanted secularity"; because Darwin robs mankind of place and purpose, he gave us a chance to love and revere nature "precisely in its refusal to be like us."

...Collapse )The hardest Darwinian view of all is still roomy enough for ordinary love to breathe in. Darwin was a Darwinian fundamentalist. But he was not a Darwinian absolutist. He knew that what feels to us like soul or spirit—the flash of understanding at an infant’s smile or grief at a child’s death—can never be argued away. He thought that he had found the secret of life. But he knew that nothing could solve the problems of living. That takes all the time we have.

-- Adam Gopnik

&this is how i waste my life in ps:

final composite:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting

composited from:

Photobucket - Video and Image Hosting &more.Collapse )

Edit: Actually to make this post marginally less worthless let me know if there's any specific image you'd like to see tips, on Photoshop effects or other 'how-to's. I don't know if I have the time for comprehensive/full-length tutorials, but at the very least I can offer my amateur insights.

Edit2: Of course there were more stock/composted images involved than I posted above; I didn't have the time to go back and hunt down every stock photo I'd used again.

Edit3: most of the credit for ocean.jpg goes to Miah's player on XMYB, as she came up with the concept, selected the images, and put everything together, and she still isn't done finalizing the image -- the final will be published elsewhere. I just gave a zillion filters a try by myself and posted in case anyone wants to try something similar.
12 lifetimes and still counting.

{it boins.} {15 Jan 2007|02:20am}
{ mood | busy }

Torrent: Fantastic Flame Screensaver

feat. creepy chimes over crackling and popping sounds.

now all i need is a decent resolution image of Xavier Mansion, configure the screensaver to replace the desktop capture instead of that, and my geekery will be complete. Or maybe the Sydney Opera House will do. Or I could contrive of an Allerdyce family photograph, though I have often been tempted to photomanipulate 'john's wall of shame,' maybe a notched belt going across the bottom. How marvellously accomplished my boy is.

computer science grade:
statistics for psychology:
advanced fiction:
general view of english literature:
3.4 GPA, Dean's List (I don't know I guess the deans are really easy)

i guess sweating all that blood kind of paid off.

clubbing last night was fun because the music was fucking fantastic -- amazing DJ who actually made drum and bass trance remixes of everything from Andain (already trance) to the Red Hot Chilli Peppers. I find dancing to trance a lot easier than to RMB or anything else, but I find other genres a lot more listenable, so it was an all-round good experience. except, the good-looking guy who came up to me, blame_them, and belleiseult turned out to be 18 years old, his company even younger, and I didn't turn 21 to hit on jailbait. A first: there was this white guy with a two-foot afro (which I think was actually rooted to his scalp) and an acrylic ball who had good moves for a stage hog. robert drake. blame_them was wearing pastel pink that several sleazy older men mistook for a neon 'victim' sign.

I'm thinking about making a proper website for myself. Partly, I figure I might as well try the most 'respectable' excuse for spending one's life in Photoshop, because writing games apparently isn't, and it's not like I wouldn't have content. Put my web-design and graphic design shit up. New layout exhibiting new skills. Should probably get my own domain, too; I've been a lampyr off certain people forever. BCHANAR.COM, PYG.NU, NU.PLEES.NU, SIRFIREPANTS.ORG, I don't know. Suggestions are welcome! Until then, now I have 2 website prototypes to make for someone desperate enough to pay me for them.

I watched The Queen and Pan's Labyrinth recently, and reread parts of Julia Ecklar's Regenesis. The former was a really eloquent illustration of the dichotomy and hypocrisy of public versus private grief, how the media circus gets over/involved, and the in/sincerity of civilian sentiments for their celebrities, as well as the interface between old symbols/obsolete traditions with modern society. The relationship between Tony Blair and the Queen fucking rocked -- humiliation, humility, empathy from opposite political wings. Pan carries its tagline well: "Innocence has a power that evil can not imagine," but man, that was sad. Regenesis had a fragment I love -- "... [menagerie animals] that will never know the dignity of self-sufficiency or the company of their own kind." Which, I think, are definitions of sympathy and dignity that can be applied to things other than menagerie animals. Not that I look forward to taking responsibility for myself. Now I want to put my head through something bc I put Regenesis down and can't figure out where.

I have one vacation week this upcoming semester, March 16 to March 26th. I will be trying to visit my grandparents in California, but I think spending all 10 days there would be too much for them, so I'm considering bouncing through VEGAS or aggravating some friends in person. Never been to Florida, and a zillion of friends live there, though it's a little out of the way, so I don't know if I could get a ticket deal that qualifies as as a layover there. Of course, there's always New York City too, and I've never been to Jersey.

Edit: some Pirates of the Caribbean III: At World's End promotional images have been released.

4 lifetimes and still counting.

{=A=/} {13 Jan 2007|09:51pm}
{ mood | rushed }

full spreadCollapse )

feat. some of the infamous bamboo scaffolding that
Jackie Chan made famous.

+1 of potatocouch, 2 from our visit with urbia to Lantau Island, and 2 mugshots of me in the club get-up that freaked out my parents just now

+++jpegsCollapse )

an inconceivably important note: my new fancrush is Adam Lazzara from Taking Back Sunday. In this video, his goofy expressions are adorable -- esp. when he does that little roll of his eyes for You are, you are so cool -- and he swings his microphone around like he's gonna give his guitarist six stitches in the head (which he did, once, apparently, in front of several thousand Belgians). My kind of guy! Their video for "Liar (It Takes One To Know One)" looks like an amazing piece of graphic art that, someday, I will have the technical skill, patience, and emo inspiration to make.

PS: I'm 21 years old now. bit sad to be celebrating this one in a city where I've been able to drink since I was 18, but people make skeptical pig noises every time I point this out, and that's my schtick, so they're unsympathetic jerks, which makes it's hard to lament. Later.
10 lifetimes and still counting.

{photo.} {03 Jan 2007|05:19pm}
{ mood | rushed }


i think this can be considered a call-out to the rest of the asian camwhore trinity. unite. transform. banzai!

oh i also composited this, recently:


i love ariel's song from the tempest here:
    Full fathom five thy father lies;
    Of his bones are coral made;
    Those are pearls that were his eyes:
    Nothing of him that doth fade
    But doth suffer a sea-change
    Into something rich and strange.

    Sea-nymphs hourly ring his knell

for miah, who is a hydrokinetic and fetishizes the atlantic lots. water sure is is easy to make cheesily poetic images out of.
8 lifetimes and still counting.

{THE ANTITHESIS TO MY EXISTENCE} {29 Dec 2006|10:47am}
the Taiwan earthquake, Richter scale 6.7-7.1 depending on whose needle you're going on, punched most of southeast asia off the internet. something about undersea fiberoptic cables rupturing over opening chasms and the flippered repair crew being too chickenshit to chance death by aftershock.

it's been very, very, very interesting (read: intellectually challenging) seeing what will load day-to-day. over the past few, the number of sites and internet programs steadily increased -- from one MU* and Google to one MU* and Google and also AIM (!!!) but now programs and sites are coming in and dropping out with no recognizable order. predictably, i wound up attached by the eyes to google news (though i couldn't read any of the articles) and also googled myself several times. used to be some 6th grade IT teacher of mine had my first website ever still online, but it's gone now; very sad.

but I do have an urbandictionary entry:

  1. bchan 1 thumb up
         some really awsome anime artist who put her fucking page down. but, still, she is a very good artist.

    uh...... i like bchan's art. :)

    by campbell Mar 15, 2004 email it

  2. bchan
         someone who is a total n00b.

    Hi my name is bchan.

    by dan Nov 23, 2003 email it

  3. Bchan
         A big whiny noob who thinks that he is a GOD!!! FUCKHEAD!!!

    Timothy, Blue Jays, etc...

    by Anonymous Nov 20, 2003 email it

anyway livejournal's working on and off but my one MU* broke up with me. my jet lag also FINALLY went away bc i was not deranging it with late night chatting/surfing but as far as tradeoffs go, i wouldn't have traded

internet come back ok i miss your scent i miss your musk ;_;

I really want to check out: cat_macros i hope this link works *cross fingers*

Edit: i also started watching totoro last night. i love miyazaki's eye for shapes and bakemono; he really loves sticking bird feet in things. I think I will cosplay Satsuki at some point.
3 lifetimes and still counting.

{more gra-fix. and a microblurb.} {26 Dec 2006|09:10pm}
I did some introspecting the other day, about my awkward adolescence, and I should write some stuff down some time, probably. Is there a word for glamorizedly-bad memories? Far as I know, nostalgia refers strictly to pleasant ones, but I find that memory of either sort tends to villify, victimize, or raise pedestals. Anyway, this would be anti-nostalgia stuff, I think, brought on by this new MP3 player/camera/video camera device thingy my parents got for me for free through some extravagant credit card reward process. According to my melodramatic recollections, I spent much of my teenaged years in 'frumpy' T-shirts, hating my new school(s), polishing my fuck-off face, and listening to Incubus. Staying plugged into music was a way of walling out the world. It's taken me -- still is taking -- years to unbrick my mighty fortress of solitude. Remarkably, the act of walking with earphones in evoked genuine anxiety.

I wonder if I'll ever run out of bullshit to get over.

Though where the music is concerned, I had infallible taste even then, I must say.

Click for 1024 x 768
. Team Excalibur. BANZAI!
I was so sloppy with fixing the shadows/lighting, and processing the Round Table image,
but it's okay bc Betsy's 2 seconds from raping Pete on his desk. That's entertainment.

incandescens postscripts her journal entries with really good poems and fiction quotes. I've gone back to the beginning of 2005 so far. If you like words, you'd probably enjoy checking her space out.
still counting.

{hhhhhhhhhhhhwoot.} {24 Dec 2006|11:32am}
{ mood | tired }

\ *A*)/ back in hong kong and so tired. managed to rip northwest airlines off for the second time. bc they bungled my flight to the states this summer, i got a free upgrade to world business class the other day; and now that they've fucked up the entertainment system on that flight, I get 25,000 bonus miles; and now that i get 25,000 bonus miles, Anime Weekend Atlanta 2007 is about a sure bet. humans can be relied upon to fail! somehow, even though airlines are the topic, this is a good thing.

between my place in boston and arriving at our place in hong kong, i ate a total of 6 meals and slept at least 12 hours. still jetlagged as hell, but mang. rotting in front of ps was so refreshing:

1440 x 900 bc his player has a faggot resolution

i am so glad the semester is over. i will never take so many courses i can not bs my way through ever again.
8 lifetimes and still counting.

{we are all made of cosmic gas.} {06 Dec 2006|07:47pm}
{ mood | stressed to stupid point :D }

I finally found my little cellphone, on silent, inside my left boot.
3 lifetimes and still counting.

{hhhhhhwhat} {29 Nov 2006|08:30am}
{ mood | exanimate }

there is some bad news in the family (no not my triad connexions, the other one) so my head is in a weird place. Photoshop is kind of like self-medication! thank goodness i don't have my 1:30 class today

Click here for 1024 x 768

what is there to say about this one? apart from that my characters are doomed to lust after underaged women or midget-scale facsimiles thereof.

the body belongs to kristen bell and you can probably find it on google images. i like k.b.'s body because she isn't horrifically anorexic or whatever. i swear, i copied her model's face directly (see here), so don't make fun that I couldn't get her looking the same at all. i'm a ps nerd not a genius.

icly, bren's favorite stupid story is the ugly duckling, hence the swans. oocly, i promised her player to make her a dress graphic after the homecoming scene but her image quality sucked, so I made good on a bad joke about getting her out of said dress.

the quote is the translation of a beautiful serbian proverb which, from what I gather, translates more directly to 'be humble for you are made of dung, ...' but little girls have their sensibilities, so.

that used to be a hubble photograph up there. it's easier to tell from the negative and inverse image (click), which is sort of interesting in an I AM GLORIANA THE ANTI-BREN way.
still counting.

{rofl what?} {18 Nov 2006|08:39pm}
{ mood | busy }

From afar, Adventure driveby <3 and has to get ready to leave for his concert. *o* He stayed up chatting with [that wizard that booted me for OOC chatter once] till 5-fucking-AM. She's alright. ^-^

You paged Adventure with 'awesome :D have fun!'

Adventure pages: She also demands photographic proof that you are indeed a tiny chinaman. XD She totally thought you were a racist white guy and hated her. XDDDDD

The LJ Friend of the Day Meme:

minor_ramblings is awesome because she has many large opinions and the only overinflated one I've yet encountered is her one of me. She's one of those remarkable people whose capacity for methodical intelligence, objectivity, and attention to detail inform rather than obfuscate her literary creativity. Her fiction is informed by her sciences, and I don't only mean the genre of science-fiction. Her writing is so cool.

I have often felt that there's something kind of British about her, most likely because I don't know anything about Canadians. The other possibility: she has this Livejournal icon of a horseback rider all sleek in breeches, cinch-waist jacket, long boots, gorgeous horse, every inch of them both in perfect configuration with European style.

We are of the ilk I like to quote Lazarus Long by. 'Little girls, like butterflies, need no excuse.' She's the one who told me that the reason little girls are always getting corralled off and tagged like mustangs at airport security isn't because we look like terrorists, but because drug cartels favor innocent-looking things to smuggle their goods across the borders: we actually look like drug mules. An awesome thing to have in common, by my reckoning. Live, Internet, and learn.

Other qualifications: she takes photographs of herself in bathroom mirrors (like me), does short hair (so do I), pays homage to the great institute of homosexuality (what do I mean?) and ironizes about science (which I would do if I had the knowledges). I look forward to the day our MU*/RP/social circles magically intersect again, as Internet things are prone to do. Matter of 1's and 0's.
9 lifetimes and still counting.

{a dissertation of unimaginable eloquence!} {16 Nov 2006|09:24pm}
{ mood | amused }

These past few weeks, I have been thinking a lot before bed. My usual insomnia consists of God, a/sex/uality, people whom I owe words and time, and the way family is supposed to interface -- with culture, with me -- and fail to -- generation gaps, me -- but mine is so multiply interfaced it's rather inescapable.

As for God, I learned in my literature class that, the Seven Deadly Sins withstanding, many Rennaissance thinkers regarded despair as the worst of sins: in the process of arrogating that you are so bad that nothing can save you, one denies the power of grace. Which is just fucking stupid. Lies and calumny. It was the pithiest thing I'd processed in months, and I have been listening to my parents funnel about GPAs, graduate school, studying abroad, and resumes during those months.

I have started watching Dead Like Me and Torchwood to try and shake some inspiration out of my brain, because not even Paradise Lost and Gawain really seem to be working these days. S.A.D. is a hard place, school is a bag of rocks.

I had planned to write a longer, somewhat more earnest, and elaborate Livejournal entry once I woke up from my nap today, but cherry_rain and 4 pages of kittons commercialbreaked me (no i dont know what that means either) with these messages:

^ Worth all my words. ROFL.
8 lifetimes and still counting.

{what i do instead of sleeping.} {04 Nov 2006|02:13pm}
{ mood | very blurry;;;; }

Also happens to be the same as *who I do instead of sleeping! Cleverness is me!

1024 x 768 wallpaper version

for closer2myself
by way of apology
for being difficult
though to be fair
she wasn't exactly easy.

i can't even tell if it is any good.
i am supernaturally tired
my landlady called early in the morning
because my housemate forgot to sign his check
what kind of housemate forgets to sign his check?

song: Puddle of Mudd -- "Blurry"
for which the MU* twist is entertaining.
'you could be my scene.'
though really, there aren't a lot of
other relevant lines.
here are a few:

Everyone is changing
There's no one else that's real.
So make up your own ending,
Let me know just how you feel.

rofl and

Nobody told me what you thought,
Nobody told me what to say,
Everyone showed you where to turn,
Told you where to run away.
Nobody told you where to hide,
Nobody told you what to say,
Everyone showed you where to turn,
Showed you where to run away.

and some crap about faces.

running is for cowards!

night 4ever.

Edit: i am completely obsessed with ampersands *A*
4 lifetimes and still counting.

{instead of homework!} {01 Nov 2006|11:54pm}
{ mood | rushed }

1024 x 768
version. super late, for kismet_d.
'Cause she makes me pretty things and don't nag.

Tabitha Smith AKA Boom Boom AKA Meltdown is © Jim Shooter and Al Milgrom, but our version is all kismet_d, baby. What is there to say? I don't have an original thought in my head. And the random chunk of negative space right in the middle is actually intended (as in, like, totally intentional) to draw your eye to her back. Nat is there in spirit. Nat suffuses her spirit. It crashed my Photoshop just once and obliterated 3 hours of a nap I really could have used.

Download: Third Eye Blind's "Wounded," 192kbps, ~6MB.

I'm less sick today! Or I was, then I started taking beer with my Lost and I've spontaneously started coughing again. Karma is a teetotallar. Ah, fuck, I have an assigment due in 58 minutes BYE

Edit: Did some minor changes, including filling in the negative space after spending ten minutes in the shower punning in my head, 'Tabby-cat, Tabby-cat, what you have in your background?' The word 'Cheshire' finally sprang to mind.
10 lifetimes and still counting.


Sex: Female ar
Species: oh
Age: 19 ohgodold
Occupation: Student, (occasional) web-designer, (fake) artist&photographer, (and) writer, roleplay-gamer (MU*)
Marital status: LJ-married to Fall Of Rain and immensely fond of many but single, really.
Currently reading: Short stories, Naruto manga, and good fanfiction.
Recommended reading: Larissa Lai's Salt Fish Girl; Luke Sutherland's Venus as a Boy; Mian Mian's Candy.
Currently watching: Lost, Samurai Champloo. Anticipating Pirates of the Caribbean 2.


Graphics and code for Nomad Chronicle.COM (completed 2004)
Hire me at Good Crap.
Take some LJ memories.

{ez click}

Teh Indy

Illegal Internets:
Fandom Sounds
Fan Mix
Track 69

Guede Mazaka
Knightgasm (lol)
Fire Sign Writer
Ars Nepenthe
Raygunn Revival

Partners in Crime:
Fall of Rain
Ar Lain ar
Creepy Thin Man
Peace of the Gods
Milady in Red
He never writes

Little Lives:
Damn Ninja MUX
The Ineffable Game
Final Fantasy MUX

BlackGate MUX


Credits: Image from Voodoo in Texas, brushes from and Vered, light texture from Teh Indy. Lyrics from the Postal Service's "The Dream of Evan and Chan". The font used is Verdana, nice and boring ar.
Theme: The theme of this layout is Sayid from the TV show Lost. I have a tendency to minimize his presence in this particular photograph, but I've always felt like Sayid is all about Nadia, so anything of her is a wound of his. Let's face it, the song is all about pain anyway.
Mostly I just wanted to see if I could use the S1 custom-made layout option effectively. I give it a 4/5 I guess. What the FUCK is with all the green and pink I will never know.

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