it's like coming back to your elementary school and getting a sense of claustraphobia bc the hallways look smaller but also a bit of vertigo bc they parallax faster. except, you know, in livejournal it's just bc they fitted the textbox width smaller.
i'm starting an internship with a partner/subsidiary mental health center of Harvard Medical soon. it's an hour's commute, which is a pain in the ass, but it should be a nice bullet on my resume. a silver bullet! to destroy the unemployment monster once i get my ass out of here. it's my senior year at college. that's faintly frightening to think about.
i have a senior honors thesis coming up, too. i think i'm going to steal the the monkey king and 'rewrite' it in the american comic book genre. redemption, religious fusion and enlightenment-as-a-construct should still feature prominently. i don't know. i don't want think about that too much either, which makes me think i might of bitten off more'n i can chew, which makes me ruminate over the fact that i can still spit it out. til november 22. to write or not to write?
never the question! i'm still gaming and thinking too much about gaming however, of course. i think im becoming more and more of a jerk the longer i piss around on the internet. that is, less willing to screen human foibles from my consciousness, and more willing to give a shit, whether kindly or angrily. when people want sympathy and attention because they feel pathetic and their efforts have gone unappreciated, i don't object; it's the posturing that offends me. the implicit 'should's, the sense people owe them for efforts they neither asked for nor had use for and their work is worthless in and of itself, and the passive-aggressive insistence that it's somebody else's fault so why aren't you trying to make me feel better. it's also beginning to irritate me too much when very nice, altruistic people martyr themselves to protect and take responsibility for people who are perfectly capable of standing up for themselves. then again, it also pisses me off when people who dont know i disagree with their unfair critics tell me to stop defending people from their criticism, so im sure theres no small garnishing of hypocrisy to these complaints. i think i'm becoming an unsympathetic and uncompromising yet cowardly asshole.
and a clinical psychologist, too! ...i was going to say that was ironic, but i guess it isn't necessarily. and here i become self-referential to the point of... not having a point.
uhhh. as an explanation: i crashed at 12AM after drinking and watching Who Framed Roger Rabbit for a suitemate's postmodernism class, then rose at 5AM to find an unfinished cider bottle and climbed in front of the PC to finish it. good to be a college nerd. now i wish i didn't have an exam coming up on wednesday and a vacation flight to figure out, in addition to the above garbage. i am perpetually wondering how i'm going to keep up with real life once i'm out of here. i'm too sloooow and i still miss my turns.